Daily Hampshire Gazette – Only Human with Joan Axelrod-Contrada: Dating Across the Aisle: Can We See the Politics of the Past in Our Relationships?

Every time I hear “One Tribe” by the Black Eyed Peas, my idealistic and dance-happy sides come together in sonic bliss.

I imagine everyone gathering in some magical club, radiating the feel-good vibes of the boundary-breaking band, obliterating all our political divisions. With its diverse composition, the band fuses the pop footprint with the rhythmic speech of rap and the syncopated grooves of funk. We can all move at the same pace. Ideological inclinations be damned. We are all one; we are all human.

So upon listening to this song again, I had to face some uncomfortable truths. Despite good intentions, my behavior can be, well, a little flawed. Yes, as much as I want to believe in One Tribe, I’m part of the growing trend of people who refuse to date outside their own political group.

Damn, what does that say about me? Here I am dancing around my kitchen to “One Tribe,” even though I’ve divided dating prospects into My Type and The Other. On the one hand, I want unity. But on the other hand, I refuse to bridge the political divide.

My explanation for this supposed contradiction is simple. Relationships are already difficult enough, why complicate them by adding another layer of conflict? Mostly, I stand by my decision. However, I’m becoming a little less hypocritical about this, thanks to a story I saw on PBS about political differences in marriages, families, and dating relationships.

Part of Judy Woodruff’s “America at a Crossroads” series, the segment made me think about the broader consequences of people adhering to their own political brand. This isolated behavior can be bad for society at large, according to Woodruff’s report. Ideally, pairing people with different views can create the kind of consensus that leads to unity. That’s the theory, anyway.

Hmmm, maybe if I were younger and less headstrong, I’d rethink my dating strategies. However, the report led me to look for other ways to help bridge the political divide of our times.

With “One Tribe” playing in my head, I remembered how friends and family rallied around my late husband, Fred, and me when he was sick. It was a matter of life and death. Our connection felt tribal. We were all fighting the same enemy: disease.

Perhaps it was this feeling of common threat that gave rise to tribalism in the first place. The first homo sapiens lived in a dark and dangerous world. Wild animals lurked. Rival humans invaded. No wonder everyone’s adrenaline signaled fight or flight!

Tribalism can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it gives us a feeling of security. On the other hand, it prioritizes the protection of our own species to the detriment of the interests of others. Did I also react as if I needed to fend off a tiger when in fact it was just the rustling of leaves?

Guilty as charged. Fred, one of the most open-minded people I’ve ever met, used to irritate me when he mocked the political correctness of the liberals in Amherst. How could such an enlightened guy stoop to such rudeness? At least that’s what I thought.

In retrospect, though, he was right. My body behaved as if it was fending off a grizzly bear when in reality it was just my brother wanting to play. Fred offered the kind of observation that could save our tribe from being torn apart, if each of us remained calm. I wish I could take back my lack of interest in hearing even a slightly divergent point of view.

We all get a little attached to our precious ways of thinking. As a longtime dog lover, for example, I have a hard time understanding people who don’t want to be around my fur baby. I got in trouble for being a love me, love my dog ​​kind of girl. But as I continue to reflect on Judy Woodruff’s excellent “America at a Crossroads” series, I am trying to improve.

Perhaps the only thing that unites us as a tribe of humans is the need for everyone to be heard. However, only saints can listen 24/7 without it harming them. Introverts like me need time to switch off and recharge.

After that, we are ready to engage again as if we all belonged to the same species. That’s when it’s time to play “One Tribe” and dance around the kitchen like there’s no tomorrow.

Joan Axelrod-Contrada is a Florence-based writer working on a collection of essays, “Rock On: A Baby Boomer’s Playlist for Life after Loss.” Contact her at joanaxelrodcontrada@gmail.com.