A woman who earns her family retired her husband and strengthened her marriage
- Amy Porterfield started her own business at age 31 and surpassed her husband’s income as a firefighter.
- They decided as a couple that her husband would retire and she would support them both.
- Despite initial hesitation, this agreement strengthened communication and marriage.
This recounted essay is based on a conversation with Amy Porterfield, a 47-year-old woman founder and online marketing specialist in Nashville. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I never dreamed of becoming an entrepreneur. When I graduated, I got my first corporate job and assumed I would move up the corporate ladder. I liked a steady salary, health insurance, and all the benefits of having a 9-to-5 job.
I was director of content development for Tony Robbins for almost seven years. One day, Tony brought a group of Internet marketers to a meeting. They were all successful entrepreneurs and one thing they had in common was freedom. They called the shots, set their own schedules, could be as creative as they wanted, and didn’t have to answer to anyone. For the first time in my life, I wanted this.
I decided to go out alone. It took about a year before I found the courage to make a plan, but when I was 31, I started my own social media consulting business.
It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but it was the best decision I’ve ever made. Now I support myself and my husband, Hobie.
At the time, my husband was becoming a firefighter
When I started my business, my husband was still a general contractor and contributed to the family finances while working to become a firefighter. We don’t have children together (I have a stepson), and although I thought I might want kids one day, my desire to build something myself, call the shots, and inspire others became greater than my desire to have children. .
I started making money in the first two years of my business, but I didn’t make as much money as I thought I would. My goal wasn’t to be the breadwinner for our family – I just wanted to find a way to make money on my own terms. It wasn’t until my third year that I realized what I was creating could be incredibly profitable.
As my business grew, I started making more money than my husband
I realized I was making more money than my husband at a tax meeting. We sat in front of our accountant, who shared our annual salaries. I have greatly surpassed my husband.
After he became a firefighter, my husband earned about $100,000 a year. In my third year in business, I made $1 million. Last year, my revenue reached $20 million.
I remember leaving that meeting and my husband saying, “I didn’t know it was so much more.” I asked if he was okay with that and he said it was weird knowing his wife made more money than him, but he was proud of me.
Each year, it became more evident that his salary was significantly less than mine. We had to discuss our feelings about playing different roles than we thought we would in our marriage. The conversations never got heated and he never got upset about it.
We were honest with each other: We both assumed he would make more money than me, but when things changed, he celebrated my success and I moved on.
We started thinking about retiring my husband
Three years ago we moved from California to Tennessee. I can move anywhere with my job, but it wasn’t easy for my husband to move to another state. As a firefighter, he would have to start from scratch and rise through the ranks again.
He is still young and loved his job, but together we concluded that his retirement was the best decision for our family. I was more supportive of this than he was at first. Firefighters can be gone for 24 hours at a time, and I really hated his absence.
At first, he wasn’t completely comfortable with not making money to support us, but we often had to make sacrifices and change things in his work. With my job, I can take vacation whenever I want and set my own schedule. It made sense so we could have more freedom.
Ultimately, it was a good decision for us, but we were both nervous for different reasons.
He was worried about not having a job that gave him purpose. I was afraid I would resent him for not working. I didn’t want to feel frustrated that he could relax all day and do whatever he wanted.
The best thing I did was tell the truth about this fear. He understood and we established some guidelines. He manages our home and personal lives, and I earn the money.
We’ve clarified your new responsibilities to include errands, lawn work, laundry, appointments, car maintenance, and managing contractors and renovations. If we’re having people over, I create the menu and the general vibe. We manage our investments and retirement accounts together, but he pays all the bills.
These roles are very different from how I was raised. My father was the breadwinner and my mother stayed home to raise my sister and me. I am living a very different life than the one I saw growing up.
My husband is a true alpha male, but that doesn’t mean he believes in traditional domestic roles. He was raised by a strong mother who worked outside the home and earned most of the money in the household, so he was more open to a non-traditional dynamic.
There are challenges with our agreement
Sometimes when I was working a lot and feeling stressed and overwhelmed, I would get jealous of his free time and less stressful days.
My favorite thing he said in those moments was, “How can I make this easier for you? What do you need from me?” Knowing he would help me was all I needed to know we were doing the right thing.
Sometimes he would love for me to shut everything down and be present with him, but I’m running a business and I want and need to show up for my team. I love working and I love my business – it feels like an extension of me.
My husband told me he wishes he could reverse roles and succeed at my level, but that’s not our reality. “You make more money in a month than I made in a year as a firefighter. Instead of wishing it were me, I choose to be proud of you, support you, and be grateful for the life we can live,” he said.
Being a breadwinner has made me a better leader, woman, wife and friend
It allowed me to build a business with 23 full-time employees, most of whom are women and many of whom are mothers. I am an example of a lifestyle that many women may not consider possible for them.
It also strengthened my marriage. Creating a life different from most people’s status quo forces you to communicate more, to say the things you don’t want to say but are necessary to grow, and to show up in ways that expand you.
